Choose a Virgin or Widow?

Once, (Friend) Jabir bin Abdillah and the Messenger of Allah sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam in a war. When he returned from the war, he was left behind from the group due to his exhausted camel. The Prophet came to him and asked, "Is this Jabir?" Jabir replied, "Yes Rasulullah." "What problem is Jabir?" The Prophet asked again. Jabir replied, "Ontaku was slow and tired so I was left behind."

Then the Prophet stabbed Jabir's camel with his staff while saying, "Get on!" Jabir went up, and when the signal accelerated, he held him so that he did not overtake the Prophet. "Have you married Jabir?" Asked the Prophet. "Yes," answered Jabir. "Virgin or widow?" The Prophet again asked. "Widow". Jabir answered later.

The Prophet asked, "Why not just marry a virgin? You can play with him and he can play with you too. " Jabir replied, "I have many female sisters. I married a widow so that there are women who take care, take care and comb their hair. " The Prophet also advised, "If you have arrived at home, then gather your wife, gather your wife" (Narrated by Al-Bukhari no. 2097 and Muslim no. 1089).


Some principles that can be learned from the hadith above:

1. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam is a person who has a high leadership spirit. He used to be in the position of the rear group to check the condition of the war troops. So he met Jabir who was left behind by a group of troops.
2. The miracle of the Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam when Jabir's camel was stabbed by his stick, then again he could go fast.
3. Attention of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam to his Companions who asked about Jabir's status. It is not a disgraceful thing to ask whether the status is married or not because the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam did this too. the heart of the questioned person should not ask.
4. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam did not know that there was one of his friends who was married. This shows that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam himself did not know the unlawful case, so the Prophet asked Jabir this question. Then how do people who are under the Prophet claim to be able to know things that are unseen?
5. The virtue of marrying a virgin girl rather than a widow. Because the nature of a virgin girl is usually happy with the game. Unlike the widows who have eaten marinated sour salt. The jurists say:
الْبكر أولى إِذا لم يكن عذر فِيمَا يظْهر

"Virgin is more important if there is no visible udzur" (see ‘Umdatul Qari, 17/147).

6. It is recommended when someone looks for potential partners, to pay attention to the factors that make him interested in the couple. Because in this hadith the Prophet Shallallahu'alaihi Wasallam advocated marrying a virgin girl because of the reason: "You can play with her and she can play with you too". In another story: "You can make him laugh and he can make you laugh". And this is a factor that makes a man interested in his candidate. So it is not reprehensible if someone pays attention to beauty, beauty, the posture of the candidate who he will marry as a matter of consideration.
7. This hadith is also the argument that the lord may marry a widow. Even in some conditions, marrying a widow is more important than a virgin girl. Here Jabir wants his younger siblings to take care and take care of him when he marries a widow. So he felt helped by his wife's presence. Maybe when he marries a virgin girl, then the burden will increase, besides taking care of his younger siblings, he must take care of the girl who is like his younger siblings.
8. Marrying a widow is not always looking at the side of benefit for the widow, it may be mashlahat for the husband. Jabir will find it helpful to care for and take care of his younger siblings if he marries a widow.
9. One of the times recommended by the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam when going to have sex was after returning from a long trip. A husband should take care of his wife, and his wife understands the condition of the husband who came home from Safar, so that his wife can prepare herself when the husband is about to go home.
10. Orders and motivation for married couples to have intercourse.